Worried about someone close to you
Simple pointers to recognise warning signs, open the conversation and know who to turn to.
Signs that can be a warning
One sign alone proves nothing. It is the build-up, or a sudden change, that deserves your attention.
In an adult
- Gradual isolation: less contact with family and friends.
- Fear or nervousness around their partner, needing to « ask permission ».
- Unexplained injuries, played down or blamed on repeated accidents.
- Control over money, phone, movements or clothing.
- Exhaustion, anxiety, low self-worth, sleep problems.
- Repeated absences from work, loss of concentration.
In a child or teenager
- Sudden drop in school results, refusing to go to school.
- Withdrawal, sadness, loss of interest in things they used to enjoy.
- Aggression, unusual outbursts or, on the contrary, apathy.
- Sleep problems, nightmares, return of younger behaviours (bedwetting…).
- Physical marks, refusing to undress, repeated physical complaints.
- Change in online behaviour: secrecy, distress after using the phone, unknown new « friends ».
- Worrying comments about their body, about death or about « disappearing ».
How to talk about it
- Choose a calm moment, one to one, with no witnesses and no time pressure.
- Start from what you notice: « you've seemed tired lately, and it worries me ».
- Listen without judging or interrupting; believe what you are told.
- Don't play it down and don't give orders: offer, never impose.
- Avoid criticising the abuser: it often pushes the person to defend them.
- Respect their pace, even if they are not ready: say that you remain available.
- With a child: reassure them, say it is not their fault and that they were right to speak.
Do / Avoid
Do
- Stay present over time, even when you hear nothing.
- Help concretely: keep documents safe, go along to an appointment, mind the children.
- Write down what you observe (dates, places): it may be useful later.
- Get informed and seek advice from a service, even without the person concerned.
- Look after yourself: supporting someone is demanding, you deserve support too.
Avoid
- Confronting the abuser directly: it can increase the danger.
- Setting an ultimatum or cutting contact if the person does not leave.
- Telling others about the situation without their consent.
- Promising absolute secrecy to a child in danger: say that you will seek help.
Where to find help as a relative or friend
These services also listen to relatives and friends, and advise you free of charge and anonymously.
- 107 — Télé-Accueil, listening line 24/7
- 0800 30 030 — Domestic and family violence helpline
- 103 — Écoute-Enfants (children, teenagers and the adults caring for them)
- 116 000 — Child Focus, missing or exploited children
In immediate danger, call 112.
Do not step in alone if the situation is violent.